Do you know when you feel awkward and it makes you feel the opposite of awkward to announce the fact that you are feeling awkward? Like the declaration of the awkwardness negates everything? Well... I am no stranger to awkward, my people. I have been feeling EXTRA "this" lately. And, since there has been plenty of time for me to over analyze and thoroughly re-cap my current actions and mannerisms lately with the living in the 'rents basement no longer in college current sitch that I have walked into, I realized that are somewhere around 12 different levels of awkward. For instance... I'm coming across as a negative person awkward, or theres an obvious booger hanging from my nose and you keep on looking at it and I don't know what to do and am not thinking fast enough to fix this gross embarrassing situation awkward, or the "I feel like you are judging me" awkward, or I think I'm talking too close to your face and my breath might stink awkward, or .. your fly is down and we both know it awkward... but the worst is when you feel so uncomfortable that your teeth are involuntarily grinding and your toes are clenched awkward. I call this awkward the "I feel naked" awkward. You must first understand that I am not one of the people that feels like a million bucks when they are naked. EWW. I just feel pretty naked when Im naked.
Right now, I feel alittle naked. Just like... I don't know what I'm doing and I don't have a lot to do here. I don't think it extreme enough to be labelled as an "identity crisis" but it's close. SO... I made a list of goals to get myself out of the naked. or.. I guess I could call it my journey of clothing myself. [wow, thats pretty cheesy and lame but I am not taking it back.] This is my attempt to not allow myself to: settle, to fall into a rut, to feel discontent, to have a pity party for myself, to become a cat lady, or to eat myself to a donut and corn dog happiness. Here are some of the goals.
- lose Xlbs. (none of your business)
- become more confident/better at acoustic guitar.
- find a job that i love
- get out of debt
- continue to seek out new band members for our worship ministry
- exercise more frequently
- start a fund to finally go to australia
- be more relational with people in my church
- write songs
- grow my hair to my ribs cage
- travel at any and every opportunity
- start a "my age" small group
- make a friend here... more than one hopefully.
- constantly be reading a leadership book
- listen to more podcasts
- be teachable
- learn new bands at all times
- keep in contact with old friends
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